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My Teen is Sexually Active |
SO YOUR TEEN IS ALREADY HAVING SEX?
When you’re talking to your teens, listen carefully and respectfully. Do not tell them how naïve or young they are. Do not trivialize their feelings. These instinctive remarks will only push them away and make it more difficult to have a conversation. Instead, be available and make sure they know that you are there for them. Most important, continue communicating with your teen.
This is a disastrous moment for many parents. It is easy to start yelling, or to blame your teen’s partner, or to start ranting about what is going to happen now, or to put it in terms that your teen might use…to “freak out.” Stop. Take a breath.
If you know or suspect that your teen is already sexually active, be sure to approach your teen in a calm and loving manner. Be honest and open about your fears or concerns, but do not approach your teen when angry or upset.
Be clear and straightforward about your expectations. If you feel that he or she should stop having sex, explain why.
Discuss the pros and cons of sex both inside and outside of marriage.
There are five major areas of consequence that you can discuss with your teen.
1. Physical consequences: Perhaps the most obvious area of consequence, this can include pregnancy, STDs, AIDS, infertility, and cervical cancer.
2. Emotional consequences: Sex can have an impact on a person’s emotional state, resulting in feelings of emptiness, anger, bitterness, depression, low self-esteem, and more.
3. Mental consequences: Stress, worry, fear, regret, pressures, confusion, and distraction are some of the mental consequences that can go along with sex.
4. Social consequences: Especially for a teen, the social consequences can be very damaging. Bad reputations, loss of friends, rumors, gossip, poor grades, and parental conflict can arise from sexual activity among teens.
5. Financial consequences: Sex can sometimes lead to hospital bills for either pregnant teens or teens suffering from STDs, and the cost of a child is also expensive. Furthermore, if teens have to drop out of school due to pregnancy, this will affect their pay scale later in life and the jobs they are able to obtain.
Discuss abstinence further. Make sure that your teen knows that he or she can always stop being sexually active and make a different choice for the future.
Some teens feel that if they have already had sex, then there is no reason to stop. Let them know that they can stop whenever they want. Explain that recommitting themselves to abstinence will help them to:
• Stay focused on school and other future goals.
• Keep from having to deal with life-altering issues such as pregnancy or STDs.
• Build lasting friendships and relationships.
• Ultimately save sex for a future marriage relationship, which is the healthiest and most beneficial context.
If you are wondering about your teen, but do not know how to start a conversation, begin by asking some general questions.
• What do you think about teenagers having sex?
• What do you think is a good age to begin to date?
• Should there be different physical boundaries at different ages?
• Do you think your friends are having sex?
• Do you think many or most teens would be able to handle a baby now?
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