TIPS ABOUT HOW TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX
Most parents feel lost when it comes to talking to their children about sex. Where do you start? When do you start? How do you make sure they are listening and understanding?
Many experts agree that you should start early. Don’t wait until one awkward moment before your son/daughter’s first date. According to Human Sexuality, parents should begin talking with their children before puberty, otherwise they might be repeating information that their child already knows.4
Not only should you start early, but this conversation should be ongoing, not left to one or two conversations. Establish an open line of communication with your child. Let him or her know that you are willing to discuss and answer any questions without judging. Talk to them about dating, relationships, respect, self-control, character, values, and abstinence.
Here are a few other ideas to help with the discussions:
1. Look for teachable moments. If something questionable comes on television, turn it off and discuss with your child what he or she thought about it. Seize these moments. Unfortunately, there are a lot of them!
2. Dive into their world by talking to their teachers. Teachers interact with your children for a large part of the day, and they might know what your child’s class is struggling with. Talk to the teacher so you can know what to address specifically when you talk to your child.3
3. Don’t be judgmental. Show interest in your child’s answers without jumping to conclusions. Don’t say, “If someone touches you inappropriately, I’ll kill them.” That will immediately put up a wall between you and your child because he or she will think you might get angry every time the subject is brought up.
4. Don’t talk to them through a book. They might feel better if you just talk to them openly and honestly. Don’t use big words; use words they’ll recognize and understand.
5. Leave out information (brochures about STDs, dating, etc.) They will catch your child’s eye, and he or she will likely read it when you aren’t looking. But don’t stop there—ask your child about it a couple days later. Even if your child says that he or she didn’t read it, continue with the conversation because chances are, your child did.
6. Make sure you don’t only talk to your teen about sex. You also need to discuss things such as alcohol, drugs, and tobacco because risky behaviors tend to be related.2
One other thing to remember is to model the lifestyle you want for your child with your own life. Live a life of sexual integrity. Don’t watch shows you don’t want your children watching. Don’t wear clothes you wouldn’t want your children wearing. Children often watch what you do more than listen to what you say. This way, when talking to them, they can’t say, “But Mom, you don’t….”
Most important, get to know your children. Know what happened at school, who their favorite teacher is, what they like the most about themselves, what they dislike about themselves, what they enjoy the most about their friends, etc. Spend time with them and let them see that the things you say and the rules you enforce are loving protection rather than overprotection.
1 – Tina S. Miracle, Andrew W Miracle, and Roy F. Baumeister, Human Sexuality: Meeting Your Basic Needs (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 2003), 263
2 – Ethridge, Shannon. Preparing Your Daughter for Every Young Woman’s Battle (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2005), 8
3 – Phelps, Scott. Aspire (Arlington Heights, IL: A&M Resources, 2006)
4 – www.4parents.gov
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